Christmas is coming...

​Christmas is an interesting time for divers, not least because it’s one of the few holidays that we actually take to spend with our families.  During the year, bank holidays are a chance to travel a bit further afield for some diving.  By Christmas, diving activities tend to be reduced by autumnal, windy weather.  Suddenly instead of fondling kit while you wait for your air fill, you’re fondling Hello Kitty plush dolls for your niece in a Toys R Us queue that makes the early morning rush at Stoney Cove look like a rather civilised affair. 
Let’s face it, all divers really want for Christmas is more dive kit.  But there are two things conspiring against you opening your perfect gift on Christmas day.  Firstly, divers are notorious for justifying new pieces of kit throughout the dive season, “my drysuit really won’t last until the end of June” or “I’m going to need a gas switching computer to take full advantage of the AMG course.”  And then the real clincher – no-one else understands what kit you need and that extends to your dive buddies too.  The kit that works for one diver is another person’s worst nightmare.  Just look around your next club dive and you’ll see all the different choices that we make for our dive kit.  So is it any wonder that your nearest and dearest buy you a micro towel, a flask for the post-dive coffee and a novelty bath plug in the form of a bright yellow jellyfish?  Act early!  Find out now if your favourite local dive store does vouchers.  Better still, find out if they will do vouchers over the phone or online. It is far too dangerous to let non-diving partners visit the store and see how much the kit actually costs!
Now I’m not a qualified meteorologist.  Living on an island has the advantage that I only need to know how much and which way the wind is headed over the Irish Sea and I can plan my dives accordingly.  But even during the settled high pressure systems in the summer, planning dives more than 48 hours in advance can be a dangerous game.  But I’m going to stick my neck out.  Christmas Day will be calm, dry and sunny.  Surface air temperatures of 8 degrees will match those in the sea, making for a pleasant diving day.  In fact this may be the most pleasant diving conditions of the winter season, and we’ll all be building Lego Harry Potter, challenging everyone to stay awake after lunch and trying to look like we really were experts with programming Big Track the first time around.
Your only chance is a Boxing Day dive.  Convincing Gran that she needs to babysit for a few hours so that you can go out to collect scallops for dinner is only going to work if Gran is going to eat the scallops too.  Most relatives would welcome a seafood diversion from turkey, and your offer will be accepted.  Suddenly, the pressure is on – now it’s not just a few scallops as you swim along on a gentle branch dive – now you have to prove your worth as a diver scavenger.  Come back with less than three scallops per person and face the scorn of the non-diving relatives.  There’s no point trying to explain the impact of dredging, overfishing or habitat loss.  You will lose the argument.  All that your nearest and dearest will see is the shiny, expensive dive kit that you loaded up in the morning and their empty supper plates in the evening.  It’s just not worth the grief that you will get.  Perhaps it’s safer to leave the kit in the garage until New Year, do the family thing and tell tales of your diving exploits instead? Cold turkey sandwich, anyone?
New Year’s Day usually brings dive clubs and their families together to blast off the excesses of the previous night.  A local dive for many clubs will mean the lake in the local nature reserve.  Ok so it’s only four metres deep and two of those metres are thick black sediment, but it’s water isn’t it?  Rope signals are reviewed, tenders practice their stance on the shore and the bravest/daftest divers slip into the water.  Families will stand around consuming mince pies and holding your new flask and micro towel ready for when you return! Happy New Year!